my final words

i hate this thing.
good bye and i hate whores. fucking whores.

names i like

names i like for girls:

ingrid
sadie
edith
margot
beth
betsy
bernadette



names i like for boys:

drew
montgomery (for a cat)

MY TOP 7 ALBUMS I WILL NEVER GET SICK OF

TOP 7 MUSIC ROTATION:

7. a weekend in the city- bloc party

6. silent shout- the knife

5. transaltanticism- death cab for cutie

4. family album-bjork

3. the concretes- the concretes

2. execution of all things- rilo kiley

1. fever to tell-yeah yeah yeah's

MY TOP 7 DRUNKEN FOOD CONSUMPTION

TOP 7 DRUNKEN MEALS:

7. nachos

6. mcdonalds

5. burger king

4. hot dogs

3. pizza

2. felafal kebab

1. poutine

my top 7 new discoveries

TOP 7 MUSICAL (RE)DISCOVERIES :

7. bic runga

6. sondre lechre

5. pulp

4. bat for lashes

3. tilly and the wall

2. broken social scene

1. xiu xiu

my top 7 sappy songs

TOP 7 SAPPY SONGS (at present):

7. come on petunia -the blow

6. rainy days and mondays - the carpenters

5. i found a reason- catpower

4. lost girls- tilly and the wall

3. 1234- feist

2. let my love open the door- sondre lechre

1. sway-bic runga

sorry for the short delay

yeah, i'm not coming back for awhile. I miss home and everyone but i feel there's something else out there, something else to experience. I feel "unsettled" and need a change of scenery so i am leaving montreal in feburary and moving to vancouver til the end of my visa. Depending on my options i cannot say for sure when i will be returning home. At this very moment i am sad to say i kind of DON'T want to move back home...i'm not ready. I've always wanted to see Korea and perhaps volunteer there or work in England for 2 years while travelling around Europe. I've always said when i travel i want to be away for at least 5 years. Maybe it's a way of delaying "life"...well, it's the best procastination i've ever experienced.

This feels right, i'm 100% positive that i am making the right decision. For once in my life i'm going to actually listen to my insticts and if i am wrong, at least i tried my best.

In conclusion...VANCOUVER HERE I COME!!

it's a snow day

it's so surreal, it's like i'm starring in my very own romantic comedy.

plans

over the next few years. these are my short term and long term goals

trips:

dalyesford
yarra valley
great ocean road part II (lets go further! get up earlier! stay over night! woo)
visit maria in byron bay!
varies sydney trips (to visit my family, hopefully with friends from melbourne to show around my 'hood)
venture into the unknown, that means perth (i've always wanted to see the indian ocean), adeliade and new zealand
canada (of course!)
europe (mainly ireland to visit a friend, berlin of course, england, france..heck, lets just say all over europe, especially eastern europe)
japan!!!
korea!!!
china!!!!!!
philippines (i need to meet my family and get to know where i came from!)

career/schooling:

courses courses courses (i dont mean food! well, its food related. small business courses, cooking courses, barista courses, langauge courses..courses courses!)
work my arse off with various barista/serving jobs, hopefully gain managerial experience (did i just make that word up?)
open my own café with julie and hopefully laura in inner city melbourne! (travelling will inspire me too!)

creative side:

take as many polariods as i can, no matter the cost and make a book or a zine
craft craft craft!

home sweet home:

find a 3 or 4 bed house in brunswick/carlton/fitzroy area
move in with jule, fiona and others
1 british blue
1 french bulldog or boston terrier
weekly pancake breakfasts on sundays with the loves of my life (the group i affectionaly call "family")
weekly or bi monthly dinners (potlucks are fun)
steal my brother's PS2 and buy DDR and guitar hero! woo


um...that's about it i think. hopefully ill stay motivated, i always seem to lose motivation but i am hoping this time it will be different. i can't wait to go home and get started on business ideas!!

prepare for my return

I will return to sydney in march. I'm thinking either the 13th or 15th of March, a week and a half before my beloved mother's 60th birthday. My mother's birthday is my main motivation to return home earlier than planned or expected. It's wierd, once i set a date i start living life to the fullest, stop complaining and really enjoy my time. For example, the three months before i left melbourne were the best three months i have ever experienced, even with all the drama, it was worth it.

So far i'm thinking of leaving montreal on the 12th of february, stay in toronto for a week and a half. Leave TO on the 21st or 22nd for Vancouver to see FIONA and my family. Hopefully stay til i leave for Sydney. Lots of planning and saving ahead!

THEN, i shall try and find a job ASAP to save for a trip to melbourne sometime in april!
I will move to melbourne once again in June/July just in time for second semester, hopefully.

That's what i am thinking! My time in montreal is nearly up and just when im starting to really enjoy myself. Always happens that way :)
Pray i don't fall in love, that always happens too!


I'M SO EXCITED TO COME HOME AND SEE EVERYONE!
mainly you!

xxo

you're turning 25..get some balls!

I turn 25 in roughly two weeks and i don't have the confidence to approach girls.

what


the


fuck?!


I seriously need a kick up the ass 'cause i could be getting A LOT of poon right now. Not just mediocre poon, hot poon!
Grow the fuck up! You can do it!

FIONO SEND ME YOUR MOJO!!

the animals i want

GIMME!! HAHAHHA RAGDOLL I WANT I WANT!!

FRENCH BULLDOG!! I WANT IT I WANT IT!!!!

EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sooo cute!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I WANT IT I WANT IT!!!!

BRITISH BLUE SHORT HAIR!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

converted

DELICIOUS!!

i love montreal for the following reasons:

- poutine

-poutine at 2am

-the diversity

-hearing french and not being able to understand

-everyone speaks english but prefer to speak french

-the cafés and bar's

- the food (not just poutine)

- the girls

- the music/art/film scene

-the lame hipsters

-how there's never a dull moment in the gay village (my town!)

- the bike lanes

- the parks!

-my love/ hate relationship with montreal, i fucking hate montreal!

soundtrack: undo-bjork

thank you

you do not know this but i have to say i value your friendship. each email i receive from you warms my heart and instantly puts a smile to my face. i dont care what i hear or read i think you're one of the most amazing people i have ever known. i love how i am able to tell you anything without embarrassment or worry that i have given too much of myself. you make me feel comfortable.

i love you i love you i love you i love you!
i want you to have everything!
i miss you a lot!
i am counting down the days when ill be able to see you again!
i love you i love you i love you i love you!

boring-lyrics time

C'MERE
by interpol

It's way too late
to be this locked inside ourselves
The trouble is that you're in love with someone else
It should be me.
Oh, it should be me
Your sacred parts, your getaways
You come along on summer days
Tenderly, tastefully
And so may, we make time
Try to find somebody else
This place is mine
You said today, you know exactly how I feel
I have my doubts little girl
I'm in love with something real
It could be me, that's changing
And so may, we make time
To try and find somebody else
Who has a line
Now seasoned with health
Two lovers walk a lakeside mile
Try pleasing with stealth, rodeo
See what stands long ending fast
Oh, how I love you in the evenings
When we are sleeping
We are sleeping.
Oh, we are sleeping
And so may, we make time
We try to find somebody else
Who has a line
Now seasoned with health
Two lovers walk a lakeside mile
Try pleasing with stealth,
See what stands long, oh ending fast


one of my favourite songs

misery

i spoke to my parents last night and it broke my heart. basically my mother was trying to convince me to not move to melbourne when i return from canada. my father has a new job working 11pm til 7am monday to friday, which means my mother is all alone the majority of the time. she's lonely...and it broke my heart to tell her that i couldnt..i just cant live in sydney, my life is in melbourne i am happy in melbourne.

to top things off my brother told me that my father has high blood pressure and diabeites. GAH!! i feel like flying home and hugging them and staying forever to take care of them and to make things better. but the sad thing is, i can't.....

when will it get better for us all?! i cannot believe i was convinced the second half of 2007 was going to be amazing.

fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me...

well, well, well...another revealation, time to rethink everything. all the messaging and the words that have been said are overshadowed by actions. is there a reason for me to be upset and feel like the knife in my back will never be pulled out? perhaps not. i like to overreact and probably deserve this or maybe its a fucked up way to show me it's not worth it, its not worth all this emotional bullshit.


im done.




(((listening too: the first day of my life- bright eyes..how fitting)))

decisions decisions

vancouver in january or home in march? that's the question that looms over my head and its a decision i will have to make sooner rather than later. obviously i do not want to waste my time here in canada but at the sametime all i want to do is go home, but fiona will be in vancouver and who knows when i will see her next. at the sametime on my way home i will be making a stop in vancouver for a few weeks. could a few weeks with fiona be enough? or 4 months with fiona? i am thinking the latter is the better option. home will always be there, but will the people at home be the same? everyone is leaving so whats a few more months living abroad? itll be cheaper for me to leave canada to cuba rather than melbourne --> sydney ---> cuba. but i also would like to enrol in TAFE for second semester.

i guess i could always come home in april...maybe.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

music is my hot hot sex..

list of gigs

September 8:

- Bjork

- Interpol

- MIA

- Artic Monkeys

@ V Festival Toronto

September 9:

- Metric

- Blonde Redhead

@ V Festival Toronto

September 14:

- Interpol

- Catpower

@ Madison Square Garden NYC

September 15:

- Bonde do role

@ somewhere in Brooklyn!!

September 18:

- Bonde do role

@ sala rossa (maybe)

September 19:

- Rilo Kiley

@ La Tupile

September 21:

- Bjork

@ Jeanne Cartier or something

October 11:

- Regina Spektor

@ somewhere in Toronto

October 12:

- Tegan and Sara

@ La Nationale

October 13:

- !!!

@ sala rossa?? (maybe, hopefully!)

...this month is going to be amazing. its hard to say which band/person i am most looking forward too, bjork? (of course, too obivious) how about catpower? (shes going to be soo amazing! and in new york!) maybe even Regina Spektor? (need i say more?) or tegan and sara? ( i have seen them many times before but their new ablum is awesome annd im in their mother country!) but i think the winner has to be RILO KILEY!!!!!!!! the venue is just around the corner from my house and jenny lewis is going to be amazing...i cant wait!

(current soundtrack : jenny lewis and the watson twins)

moon prism power makeup!!

oh! tegan and sara, is there anything they can't do?

okay, the title has nothing to do with this post it was going to be something to do with "obsession". thats me in a nutshell, a fucking obsessed little girl, i cant help it, when i like something i reallllllllllllllllllly like it, i do things obsessively, thinkng, talking listening writing drawing whatever. im obsessive its my nature. so, um yes, sailor moon, big love, rilo kiley and tegan and sara are what i am obsessive over these days, oh and bike rides in the sun and a certain someone that refuses to leave my thoughts and now makes a guest appearence in my dreams. what the fuck? get out of my head already! wah.

TEGAN AND SARA

CALL IT OFF

I won't regret saying this

This thing that I'm saying

Is it better than keeping my mouth shut

That goes without saying

Call, break it off Call,

break my own heart

Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at

Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

But now we'll never know I won't be sad

But in case I go there

Everyday, to make myself feel bad

There's a chance that I'll start to wonder

if this was the thing to do I won't be out long

But I still think it better if

You take your time coming over here

I think that's for the best

Call, break it off Call,

break my own heart

Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at

Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

But now we'll never know I won't be sad

But in case I go there

Everyday, to make myself feel bad

There's a chance that I'll start to wonder

if this was the thing to do

I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do

revelations

i now know how i feel
i now know what to do
stop denying
start moving on

start living.





it took a long time for everything to fall into place, to realise, to admit how i feel.all i do is daydream about days together and sleepless nights in bed debating about nothing. the singing, dancing and stupid ideas just to annoy you because i think you're cute when you're angry. with each passing day my heart dies a little and the smile on my face which was fueled by hope has now disappeared. all i can do now is dream...dream of what could have been..

skipping work on sunny days.

when its not raining, snowing or freezing cold in montreal you have to make the most of it because who knows when itll be sunny and warm again. its the last week of summer, my last week of summer in montreal, so please forgive me if i decided to pull two "no shows" at work to take in the summer heat on my bike riding around the plateau, mile end and the old port.

the above photo was take today in a little street on my way home from the mile end. in the background are vines from a tree growing on electrical cords. i thought it was pretty and deserved a photo, my head just happened to be too big.

current biking soundtrack:

- bonde do role- brazillian and friends with CSS. what more could you want? im currently addicted and excited to see them live in NYC with jan!!!!

- puffy ami yumi- japanese pop at its finest.

- bright eyes- his voice stays with me all day.

- electrelane- so good to chill out or dance too.

- rilo kiley- of course. the new album is hard to stop listening too

- interpol- as above. i cant wait to see these two bands live!

- once more with feeling- buffy soundtrack. if you hear me singing or dancing on my bike please dont judge me.

give me somthing to sing abooout

my housemate sarah and i after pride parade

mikel and i in love

sadie is my baby

colin and mika

montreal food and street art

thats french for "stop"
the top ones are filled with taro!!

asparagus crepe with cheese sauce

2.5/5

ratatuille paini, sarah's lunch

delicious apple crepe with quebec maple syrup.

3.5/5

eggs benedict. sarah's brunch

now thats coffee!

4/5

2/5

delicious bowl of soy latté

3/5

short espresso.

1.5/5

this is cute.

fantasy romance part 1

..and when you break my heart you'd sing regina spektor's "loveology" to me.

..and when im sick, you'd buy me mandarines and peel them for me, even taking off all the white bits.

..and when im tired you'd rent one of my favourite movies and feed me cheese.

..and when im lonely you'd leave traces of yourself all over my house.

..and when im angry you'd make me forget why by telling me how silly i am.

..and when im sad you'd run me a bath.

..and when im hyper you'd run around the house with me.

...when i break your heart i'll sing you a rilo kiley song.

...when you're sick i'll make you a "nanna" tea and feed you soup

...when you're tired i'll tell you stories and feed you cupcakes

...when you're lonely i'll leave you coloured post-it notes all over your room to remind you how loved you are, because you always forget

...when you're angry i'll let you run riot

...when you're sad i'll make you laugh

...when you're hyper i'll chase you around the house.

i accept buffy as my lord and personal saviour

names i like:

boys:
- drew


girls:
- jocelyn
- sadie
- edith
- isabella or isabelle
- charlotte
- audrey
-madeline


pet names:
- manford
- holly
- beatrice
- violetta

....

i feel empty...

burn...

oh karma..you have a wierd sense of humour, but i thank you for opening me eyes and now i can move on and think about nice things like kittens, brunch and the taste of a creamy bonsoy flat white from ray's café.

photos from toronto

my beautiful nephew. i miss him.

me

my nephew's baptism

my brother's unfriendly cat karma

toronto dyke march

dykes on bikes

bubble tea in toronto, on young street at the dyke march

hershey factory

niagra falls

ME!! in my deportation uniform

the line to board "maid of the mist" boat. it felt like i we were all being deported

the american side aka the sucky side

niagra falls!

niagra lake whirlpool

something....

ME! infront of a lake

um..i forget what this is but its on the way to niagra falls

FAFI!!! on queens street west

julie is an enterprise in toronto

tasty brunch from sadie's diner

1.5/5 soy latté from a fair trade coffee place on queens street west. very disappointing i think it's beans.

1.5/5 soy latté from a café in kensington market

vancouver ---> edmonton